Transforming leadership: 3 ways to stop being a work jerk

A “work jerk” isn’t just someone who expects perfection. It’s the high achiever whose nervous system runs at lava-like temperatures, who’s chronically stressed, and demonstrates urgency as a personality trait. It looks like hair-trigger impatience, micromanaging, sharp feedback, and an automatic reflex to see others as obstacles rather than partners. Work jerk behaviours teach people at work to focus their energy on managing you and your reactions instead of doing good work.

People act out for countless reasons: a toxic work culture, impossible standards, or private stress that bleeds into work (an article for another day). None of those reasons makes treating others poorly acceptable. 

If you’re a work jerk who is also a leader, the impact can be huge. Your tone and word choice signal “risk levels” to your team because you control performance evaluations, if they get promoted, project access, and sometimes even professional standing. Being the “leader work jerk” harms two things at once: 

• Your mental health as a leader: because you’re stuck in chronic activation mode
• Your team’s psychological safety: because they self-protect for survival around you

The “crush it” approach may produce short-term results, but it often drives burnout, turnover, and severe erosion of trust.

Emotional Self-Management Decreases Work Jerk Behaviours 

If you are a “work jerk”, these daily shifts can help protect your mental health as a leader and how your team experiences you, too, without lowering management standards.

1. Be precise, not urgent: When you’re overwhelmed, everything feels equally important. How you address that ends up being your brain trying to reduce uncertainty, not effective delegation. The mood then becomes urgency, and everything is a five-alarm fire. Try this 60-second reset before an important interaction (i.e., 1:1, standup, client call):

Do two rounds of deep belly breathing (i.e., in through the nose for four seconds while inflating the belly, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds through the mouth). Then ask yourself:

•  “What specific outcome do I need or want from this conversation?”
•  “What can I say to increase clarity and understanding, not pressure?”

This will help mitigate worry, prevent misalignment, and signal to others that calculated execution is valued more than frantic reactivity disguised as responsiveness. 

2. Treat emotions as information, not an action plan: just because we have a feeling doesn’t mean we need to immediately act on it, even if it makes us feel better. Being immediately honest about how you feel isn’t just “being direct,” it’s destroying psychological safety for others without context or a next-steps game plan. Before sending a response to an email that may want you to flip a table, name the emotion you’re feeling and use an “I” statement with it (i.e., “I am annoyed.”). This creates space between stimulus and response. Try this feedback process: 

• Draft, but don’t send: Write what you want to say, then wait five minutes (distract yourself with another task if you need to).
• Rewrite and give feedback in this format:
  • Share your observation: “It seems like . . .”
  • Explain the impact: “I’m concerned about . . .”
  • Make a request: “Next time, what would be helpful is . . .”
  • State your intention: “I’m saying this because . . .”

This approach is a great example of pairing accountability with care. It helps you understand what you need to feel and figure out what you’re really trying to say in a way that’s useful to others. Providing effective feedback that leads to results, preserves your sanity, and helps teams realise they can and should approach you earlier instead of hiding issues until they turn into crises.

3. Make emotional self-care part of leadership, not a secret hobby: Many “work jerk” behaviours are symptoms of depletion. Sustainable leadership requires actual maintenance and recovery—you can’t “mindset” your way out of chronic unmanaged stress. Identify and practice one to two Mental Well-being Non-negotiables™:

• Show that your mental health matters: you can’t lead if you don’t care for yourself.
• Do what you enjoy: do what you actually like—not what the wellness industry prescribes.
• Be realistic: do what works for your schedule—get it on the calendar. 
• Be consistent: the goal is a cumulative effect over time, and adapt as needed. 
• Normalise it with others: it may inspire them to build recovery into their workday too. 

What Leaders Should Ask Themselves in 2026 

People can become work jerks when their mental health carries more strain than their everyday coping habits can absorb. If you want to determine if your professional drive as a leader is harming your mental health and relationships at work, ask yourself these questions weekly—and answer them honestly every time:

1. “When I’m stressed, do I become clearer or just forceful?”
2. “Do my team members bring problems to me early on—or when they’re unavoidable emergencies?”
3. “This week, did my team seem like they were learning or self-protecting from me?”

The answers to these questions will tell you if you’re showing work jerk behaviours, who it’s impacting, and why that needs to change. The answers will tell you whether and how you need to shift how you regulate work pressure, communicate under stress, and emotionally recover as a leader.

In 2026, high performance shouldn’t come at the expense of your team’s or colleagues’ sanity—or your own. The good leaders who excel won’t be the most intense, results-driven machines. They’ll be the ones who focus on steady mental health self-care maintenance as a form of effective, sustainable leadership.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Melissa Doman, M.A., is the author of the book Cornered Office: Why We Need to Talk About Leadership Mental Health and Yes, You Can Talk About Mental Health at Work: Here’s Why… and How to Do it Really Well. She's an Organisational Psychologist, Former Mental Health Therapist, Founder of The Workplace Mental Health Method™, and one of LinkedIn’s Top 10 Voices on Mental Health.

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